Dignity

Death. What exactly is dignified about death? Nothing really. Passing from this plane of existence to the next. Sometimes peacefully. Sometimes violently. Sometimes willingly. Sometimes kicking and screaming. But nothing dignified -- sorry. It's death, pure and simple.

Two members of my extended family have been facing death by cancer now for a good six months or more. One chose to end her life through euthanasia and the other joked, "next time you see me, I'll be all dressed up" to one of his life-long friends that came to visit. She died in her bed at home, helped through the barrier to the next stage by the administration of drugs that ended her life -- courtesy of a doctor. Euthanasia is legal in the Netherlands. He is currently in a hospice, pumped full of advanced pain management medication. He is not exactly pain-free or enjoying it, but seeing friends and family and more or less cheerfully waiting for death to come to him. He has embraced the fact that nothing is going to save him, but still won't miss whatever days he las left.

She never had a family beyond those she was born with and those relatives that were born to extended members of her family. Me, for instance. He had three children, two of which have children of their own. His extended family numbers in the 20's or 30's. Maybe more, if in-laws are included. Both worked hard all their lives, extremely hard.

Both made early life choices, the results of which they carry/carried with them to the edge of their lives. Those choices were many and long reaching -- she traveled the world and saw and did things that he would not have believed possible, he was an elevator technician. She was jilted in love, and he was blessed. Both had many friends and were active as friends and members of the community.

But, what really separates them is something else: the nature of the spirit that they will leave behind. She turned inwards and ultimately rejected the one thing that provided him with the support to face the horror of his situation ... family. You don't have to like your family, but they are yours. Strange, but when you look around the world, the tie that still binds us the most is family. True, you can see ideologues going to their demise in a fit of fervor over Allah, Jesus, Marx, the neighbor's dog ... whatever. But the thing that people will most willingly fight to the death over is family. Our pack. Our nucleus which provides support in the vast tempest of life.

It is not just our culture, it is universal. Where family life has died, so too, has the essential fabric of that society. Where the life of one of your clan becomes a by-product of the societal existence, so too does your own future become diminished. Think of the great experiments of socialism and communism -- failures of family. You cannot replace family with the state: the state really does not care and never will. The state is incapable of feeling the bond of family and will ultimately leave you in the lurch, whereas a family member will support you to the death even when you are wrong. Because you are family. Is it possible to have family without DNA relationships? Yes, I guess so. But show me where this has worked in the long-term -- multi-generational -- without inevitable DNA binding. You can't.

Family means love. Let's not confuse kindness and considerate behavior with love. It isn't. Your doctor does not love you. The state does not love you. Maybe Jesus or Allah does, I don't know -- only you can know that. Friends may love you, and at some point they transcend the essential DNA ties and become family, but....

And as we all know, without love, mankind is doomed.