You can't make this up

Really. Some of the treasures infecting today's news.... The French aircraft carrier Clemenceau, thought to be loaded with asbestos is forced to take a return trip back to France as Greenspeace and others successfully sue to have its export to India to be broken up halted. Why? Greenpeace claims that there is over 500 tons of asbestos left in the warship. France says as little as 45 tons. But admits that some 30 tons of asbestos is unaccounted for during the remediation done in France over the last years. Who is lying? Well, 500 tons is complete crap given that the vessel weighs some 27,000 tons. But 45 tons ... and another 30 or so missing ... well that would smack of trying to avoid some very costly remediation. Would our good allies the French try and sidestep such a necessary task? Hmmm? And India is all pissed off at losing the jobs. Have they ever heard of mesothelioma? But if you figure that the life expectancy of the ship breakers is such that it is unlikely that the personnel affected would ever get to the point of onset, it just means lost cash.

But France stepped up its attacks on Iran today stating that Iran's nuclear program could not possibly be used for civilian needs alone. Hence it was a clandestine military program. Duh. But at least someone aside from the US is talking about the elephant in the room.

What else? Oh yes, the Cheney thing. He shot a friend. That is ... lemme see ... negligent at the very minimum, perhaps criminally negligent or even manslaughter if the vic dies.... But what has everyone up in arms (or at least the liberal press) is that he didn't call a news conference to tell everyone about it right away. Picture a breathless Cheney rushing in front of news cameras with his bright orange hunting vest on, gun in hand. "Hey, I just did something really stupid and shot a friend by accident." What exactly would that achieve? Is it news? By the standards of hatred-influenced reporting of the Vice President, it is clearly news. By the standards of the gun-totting far right wackos, it is news too -- Cheney can't shoot. But what I cannot "get" is the insane desire to find a scandal here. It took 18 hours for the news to get out. Cheney claims that it was his desire to get the facts correct before making a statement, which we all know is clearly bullpoop. But under the facts, he was under no legal requirement to report anything at all. The only person who was obliged by law to file a report of a gunshot wound was the hospital doctor. If the guy died, then we have a different scenario. Should Cheney have made a timely announcement? Yes. Is there some sort of 18 hour scandal rule? I don't think so.

But before we leave this topic, let's put it into context. A certain Senator from Massachusetts drove off a bridge, leaving someone to die in the car. He then took off to hide in the family compound, leaving the dead woman in the car and as far as we know made no attempt to rescue her or retrieve her body. During the time in which the accident (they were both accidents ... or at least the gunshot was) occurred, Senator Bloat was engaged in an extra-marital affair, not illegal, but not really acceptable either. Cheney was shooting innocent animals. Not illegal in any way, means or form, although PETA would disagree. Cheney did not stroll off back to the ranch, open up a six on the porch and wonder whether his friend would bleed out. Bloat is still a US senator who loudly preaches on such matter as morals and ethics.

So what irks us about this accident? Is it because a gun was used (us blue-staters hate guns and people who own them)? Was it because the shooter was Cheney? Would we have had the same response if it had been Al Gore or Bill? Would Bill have handled it differently? Yes, he would! There would have been an instant press conference, scenes of Bill tearfully holding his friend's hand in the ambulance, Bill over the bed, Bill outside the operating room.... It would have been a PR bonanza, not disaster. But it was Cheney. Darth Cheney. Seasoned hunter and evil wizard second only to Voldemort.

And bird flu makes its appearance in Europe proper. Italy is witnessing a dramatic collapse in the sales of chicken as a result of bird flu appearing in wild swans. And the annual migration from Africa is only a few weeks away. Not looking good folks.