The People's Republic ... of Cambridge

Let me count the ways I hate that place....

Every single school day I have to drive through Cambridge and many other days besides to get from one place in the Greater Boston area to the other. And as anyone who knows Boston will tell you, there is nor good way to get from one community to the other. IT was not "constructed" as certain newer cities and towns, rather, it grew organically -- rather like shit.

So this morning I decided to try and remember all that happened in one lousy 20 minute session in the People's Republic.

First off, the denizens of the Republic are complete Bolshies ... when it suits them. So for the less well off or more socially committed, you must ride a bicycle. As a cyclist, you must loudly yell at any car that you feel infringed on your "right" to use the roadway as you see fit. But you also have to be a complete frikkin hypocrite to be a proper Bolshie cyclist: cars are evil and don't treat you with the respect you deserve according to the laws of the Commonwealth as a vehicle on the road. But when the light turns red, all of a sudden, you are no longer bound by the same rules that you would have "everyone" obey: you can cut across traffic, jump the light, squeeze through the middle of cars, turn left on red ... in short whatever you feel like because you are an eco-friendly Bolshie cyclist. Try that shit in Mexico, why don't you? Or any other friendly leftist country with no concept of the laws. Heck, why Mexico? Try Italy, France, Spain or Greece -- they'd be taking a squeegee to your remains to send back to the People's Republic. Egalite and Fraternite -- my ass. And in Russia, if you yelled and banged on the wrong car because of a perceived slight, you might wind up a grease spot from your unkempt hair after Oleg the driver finished on your sorry ass with a tire iron.

I saw lots of Deval Partick bumper stickers ... here's a list of his endorsers:

1. Dan Kuhs, Business Manager, and David Woodman, Financial Secretary, Pile Drivers Local Union 56
2. Michael Byrnes, Business Agent, Service Employees International Union Local 3
3. William Campbell, District Representative, Marine Engineers Beneficial Association
4. Richard Charette, President, United Food and Commercial Workers Union Local 1445
5. Willie Desnoyers, President, United Auto Workers State CAP Council
6. Gerard Dhooge, Boston Port Agent, Seafarers International Union
7. John Flattery, President/Art MacNeil, Legislative Director American Postal Workers Union, AFL-CIO Central MA Area Local 4553
8. Michael Grunko, President, Service Employees International Union Local 509
'Nuff said about them.

And you seem to see his bumper sticker on cars in the Republic where you also see Kerry/Edwards stickers. Stickers from two years ago, nestling side by side with "Diversity for America", or rainbows, or "Impeach Bush" or stickers from any number of human rights groups, gay advocacy groups, etc. IF you see your bumper sticker on one of these cars, you might want to consider if you might not be out of touch with mainstream humanity. Mr. Patrick, where do you propose to find the money to fund some of your more ambitious programs? How will giving illegal aliens driving licenses help us ... you can't seriously believe that getting paper work on that will improve their assimilation into society: they still cannot legally work beause of FEDERAL laws. Moron.

I saw about 10 padestrians in near misses with traffic. What is it with the people living in Cambridge that makes them think that they are immortal? The People's Republic has crosswalks everywhere. Even where common sense would tell you that thrusting people across the street at that point would put them in grave peril. But, inhabitants prefer to cross between cars, jump out from behind buses and vans -- or better yet, thrust their baby carriages ahead of them so that the first thing you see as a driver is a small set of wheels poking out from between some cars on the side of the road ahead of you. I mean, why walk an extra 20 yards to a crossing? And when the driver sqeals to a stop just in time, he is regarded with venom only otherwise reserved for Dubbya. Hey, Granola-Mama/Dude, I've got news for you: you are an idiot. Given a choice between being uninjured, alive and obeying the law and being morally superior to drivers and dead ... well call me morally inferior. But to risk your baby for your morally superior but illegal point of view is insane. "Here lies Hairy Hannah, politically correct but dead as a doornail."

And people of Cambridge, when you apply for and receive this year's parking permit, scrape the old one off and apply the new one in its place. Believe me, no one who matters gives a shit how long you have lived in the Republic. So clean off the 10 stickers in your back window so you can see out of your Honda Civic/Accord, Volvo, Camry, Saab etc., and decrease the side of your blind spot ... but that is the point of living in Cambridge, isn't it? You can live with a huge blind spot -- that of common sense, fiscal responsibility and reason -- and be just like everyone else. Comfort in mass psychosis and ignorance.

But note that the Prius owner does not have a sticker ladder: this owner is far too fastidious. The car is immaculate, clean, shiny -- presumably bio-degradable products used to get it that way ... right? Oh, come on! Don't tell me you used Turtle Wax!! That's a Johnson & Johnson sub!! We are meant to be boycotting them!!

Of course, as a Cambridge Prius owner you are secretly pissed off that they never park your car in front at those nice charity affairs, like they do when someone is driving a Bentley, Ferrari or a Porsche. "They should park me in front to support the statement of the Prius owner as a societal paragon!! (sort of like Leo and George -- but Leo also has a BMW 750iL and George gets other people to drive him)."

But Juan and Jose who are parking the cars dig the German engineering and Italian flash -- oh, I'm sorry, let's pretend that they are white high schoolers earning some etra cash, it would pretty un-PC to be seen letting our esteemed guests from below the Southern Border doing the scut-work. IF bitter about status ranking, the Prius owner might remember to tip the dude a Jackson to keep his car handy -- and that is the code of the car park employee whose rights you are fighting for. Tipping may not be PC, but people work for them. And no, male or female, your fair trade rags and streaky grey hair are not "hot," nor are your earth-enviro friendly natural dyed silks, likewise. He is not going to park ou in front because you are hot. Your social statement of solidarity means zero to him. Ask the attendant what is hot in his world: silk, leather, heels, bling, makeup, and a certain artificiality which screams "yeah, Baby, check this out." "Unfair!" I hear you cry. Duh! But since when is life fair? And that is another reason people live in the Republic: a mistaken notion that life should be fair. Sorry, life just "is." And it is what you make of it, not what you demand from others to fit your particular political viewpoint.

And fix your banana republic roads!! Potholes are not good for anyone, car drivers, buses, Bolshie cyclists, or moms pushing carriages while "jay walking."

I have also noticed that the socially concerned and politically correct have as many cell phones as the right wing fascists. That can't be PC, giving money to the "Man?" Supporting the pollution of the airwaves with microwave energy, the erection of unsightly towers in nice urban neighborhoods? And you morons drive with them clamped to your heads just as frequently as the greedy capitalists in Wellesley. What up wit dat? Hunched behind the wheel of your rusted out Camry, which you can't see out of because of stickers, political statements and bird poop, you have one hand on the wheel (the right hand, generally) and one hand holding a phone to the left side of your head -- to make sure that you don't use the turning indicator.

And you denizens of the Republic: why don't you buy American? Hondas, Toyotas, Volvos, Saab (old pre-GM ones), Hyundais, Kias and all manner of foreign sourced shit is all one sees with the coveted Cambridge sticker ladder. I mean, this does not represent a consistent view of support for the working person. Rather, you are supporting sweatshops that make cars, while sipping your free trade Starbucks in your dirty car. "But these are made in America" I hear you cry. Correction: SOME are assembled in America -- out of 70% or more foreign parts, but many more are fresh off of the boat.

What about the American working person by buying American? Or would you rather support the fat-cat bosses of people working in horrible conditions in Asian sweatshops to the detriment of honest hard-working Americans, union members and Democrats? ARE YOU READY TO PUT YOUR MONEY WHERE YOUR MOUTH IS ... OR ARE YOU A HUGE BUNCH OF FRIKKING HYPOCRITES?

Well, of course the answer is "yes," but I doubt we shall actually get that out of their mouths: there starts the greasy slope whereby all of their idiotic beliefs can be systematically debunked. Then where would you be? Huh? Of course, voting for Deval might help your guilt about not voting for the unions in the US with your pocket book. Might as well light another doober and ponder that one.

Just another reminder about American workers -- buy American and support the unions!! You are pro-union, aren't you? You will vote for Deval, won't you? But, if you don't buy GM, then they will surely go tits-up and then what? Hundreds of thousands of union members walking the streets, without health coverage, pensions etc. -- but you'll blame that on Republicans. But, even so you don't want a GM car, you wouldn't be caught dead in one ... well I understand where you are coming from, 'coz I don't want one either, but then I don't give a shit about the unions, either. Or GM. See, people of the Republic, you need to live by your words in deed as well as thought.

Peace and Love!!