Airlines and other vermin
Flying first class inside the US is not worth the money. Even if someone else is paying. Firstly (no pun) the service staff (aka Stews) are the oldest on the plane - a function of seniority that allows those with most time in to pick their posts. As a result, the young and eager -- read polite and helpful -- are in the back of the bus getting a lesson in how to be sour and the battle-hardened and jaded are in the front, ready to be cooly rude and having perfected insolence to a fine art. "I am sorry sir, but we have run out of eggs -- you'll have to do with the fruit plate." A quizzical look is rewarded with the explanation: "we serve breakfast in order of highest frequent flyer status." "Am I the only one not getting eggs?" "If you'd like, I will put extra fruit on your plate." "I just want some eggs. Can you get a plate from the back cabin?" "No I can't do that. Would you like more fruit or not?" "I guess whatever you serve me will be just dandy." Checking my boarding pass, I note that my frequent flyer number is missing. Hell of a way to treat a putative first timer. Why come back? Ever?
And I wonder why they have not gone out of business sooner. I hope. Actually, apart from someone else paying, there is no way I'd pay for the privilege in the US. None. Flying in the US on main carriers is a farce. The planes are old, they charge you the same as the low cost carriers for drinks, the only service difference being the "food." Since most sane persons would rather pay for Mickey D's in the concourse or the cheese and crackers on the plane ... why fly a big carrier? Compare Delta (I flew them back on First -- the Flight Attendant was unspeakably rude to my wife) with its daughter airline, Song. I'f rather fly song ANY day of the week, in preference to flying First on the main carrier.
And you know? You are not entitled to enter the Clubs in the various airports because you are flying first. Nope. In Europe, or flying intercontinental, you can (at least if flying British - but not United), but not in the US. I mean, come on!!! What can you drink or eat in the club as compared to the stupid premium paid to be pooped on from a great height in First?
Jet Blue totally blows any mainstream carrier away. So what if I pay for my food? It is edible and served with a friendly smile. Not some crone with an entitlement and wicked chip on her shoulder (the creep on United was male -- and no, I would not want to shake hands with him).
When it comes down to it, the business culture that supports First Class within the United States is out of their minds. Which is akin to the idiocy of flying on the main carriers on planes that saw their maiden flights in the 1970's. Lots of old-line staff, defined benefits plans, equality and entitlement for everybody except for the schmucks paying the bills: the customers.
And if you are stupid enough to complain -- don't. You see, flight staff now have the right to get you trussed up like a turkey and seen off the plane at the other end by federal marshalls to face felony charges in federal court. All of which is far more dire than you might imagine. I mean, that means statutory federal time. Not like a State prison. To be sure, they should not have to put up with violent drunken passengers, but the standard is set to the baseline of what is perceived by the flight staff and not the rational passenger. As we have discussed above, this is necessarily far apart. Net result the rudest people in a service industry and no real recourse. If you raise a stink at the gate, you get threatened with Homeland Security personnel depriving you of your liberty. Again, expensive and time consuming to rectify at no real cost to the smug son of a bitch behind the counter.
If you have an unquenchable urge to poop on your fellow citizens and dispense random rudeness and insults, become a member of the flight staff of an airline. As to the asshole terrorists who have created the need for a regime whereby you now have less rights than a Rainbow Warrior in Soviet Russia: you guys are to blame. Another reason to seek your immediate demise.
How about those warm nuts that MUST be served to Business and First class? Our daughter has a nut allergy -- specifically peanuts -- and so we always ask that they not be carried or served on the flights we take. We always specify this in buying tickets and are told that this is not a problem, but be sure not to forget to tell the agents at the gate and on the plane. Flying to the UK on American this summer, we did exactly that. The dragon at the gate told us that under no circumstances would the airline refuse to serve warm nuts to Business and First. After the laborious explanation of the process whereby we came to be at the gate and the assurances given, she simply said that she couldn't help it and would not help us. Another gentleman taking the tickets of those boarding beckoned us over. He said that he would go and ask the Captain: it turns out that the Captain of the plane has ultimate control over the decision whether to serve them or not. He did as offered and they agreed not to serve nuts. Another person overhearing this (also airline staff) loudly told us not to fly American, but choose some other carrier where our daughter's disability would not inconvenience others on the plane. WE ARE TALKING ABOUT SOME WARM NUTS AS OPPOSED TO A FATAL ALLERGY.
I truly hate the airlines and virtually all associated with the provision of this "service." Dehumanizing and tedious -- as well as dangerous. But what REALLY BURNS MY BUTT is that where someone is differently disabled ... say requiring a wheelchair, the airlines will fall over themselves to avoid all sorts of lawsuits involving access and availability of service. But you have a food allergy that is potentially airborne: you can die for all we care. Or is this a way of saying that if you have an airborne food allergy, you cannot fly?
Tell me your stories.
And I wonder why they have not gone out of business sooner. I hope. Actually, apart from someone else paying, there is no way I'd pay for the privilege in the US. None. Flying in the US on main carriers is a farce. The planes are old, they charge you the same as the low cost carriers for drinks, the only service difference being the "food." Since most sane persons would rather pay for Mickey D's in the concourse or the cheese and crackers on the plane ... why fly a big carrier? Compare Delta (I flew them back on First -- the Flight Attendant was unspeakably rude to my wife) with its daughter airline, Song. I'f rather fly song ANY day of the week, in preference to flying First on the main carrier.
And you know? You are not entitled to enter the Clubs in the various airports because you are flying first. Nope. In Europe, or flying intercontinental, you can (at least if flying British - but not United), but not in the US. I mean, come on!!! What can you drink or eat in the club as compared to the stupid premium paid to be pooped on from a great height in First?
Jet Blue totally blows any mainstream carrier away. So what if I pay for my food? It is edible and served with a friendly smile. Not some crone with an entitlement and wicked chip on her shoulder (the creep on United was male -- and no, I would not want to shake hands with him).
When it comes down to it, the business culture that supports First Class within the United States is out of their minds. Which is akin to the idiocy of flying on the main carriers on planes that saw their maiden flights in the 1970's. Lots of old-line staff, defined benefits plans, equality and entitlement for everybody except for the schmucks paying the bills: the customers.
And if you are stupid enough to complain -- don't. You see, flight staff now have the right to get you trussed up like a turkey and seen off the plane at the other end by federal marshalls to face felony charges in federal court. All of which is far more dire than you might imagine. I mean, that means statutory federal time. Not like a State prison. To be sure, they should not have to put up with violent drunken passengers, but the standard is set to the baseline of what is perceived by the flight staff and not the rational passenger. As we have discussed above, this is necessarily far apart. Net result the rudest people in a service industry and no real recourse. If you raise a stink at the gate, you get threatened with Homeland Security personnel depriving you of your liberty. Again, expensive and time consuming to rectify at no real cost to the smug son of a bitch behind the counter.
If you have an unquenchable urge to poop on your fellow citizens and dispense random rudeness and insults, become a member of the flight staff of an airline. As to the asshole terrorists who have created the need for a regime whereby you now have less rights than a Rainbow Warrior in Soviet Russia: you guys are to blame. Another reason to seek your immediate demise.
How about those warm nuts that MUST be served to Business and First class? Our daughter has a nut allergy -- specifically peanuts -- and so we always ask that they not be carried or served on the flights we take. We always specify this in buying tickets and are told that this is not a problem, but be sure not to forget to tell the agents at the gate and on the plane. Flying to the UK on American this summer, we did exactly that. The dragon at the gate told us that under no circumstances would the airline refuse to serve warm nuts to Business and First. After the laborious explanation of the process whereby we came to be at the gate and the assurances given, she simply said that she couldn't help it and would not help us. Another gentleman taking the tickets of those boarding beckoned us over. He said that he would go and ask the Captain: it turns out that the Captain of the plane has ultimate control over the decision whether to serve them or not. He did as offered and they agreed not to serve nuts. Another person overhearing this (also airline staff) loudly told us not to fly American, but choose some other carrier where our daughter's disability would not inconvenience others on the plane. WE ARE TALKING ABOUT SOME WARM NUTS AS OPPOSED TO A FATAL ALLERGY.
I truly hate the airlines and virtually all associated with the provision of this "service." Dehumanizing and tedious -- as well as dangerous. But what REALLY BURNS MY BUTT is that where someone is differently disabled ... say requiring a wheelchair, the airlines will fall over themselves to avoid all sorts of lawsuits involving access and availability of service. But you have a food allergy that is potentially airborne: you can die for all we care. Or is this a way of saying that if you have an airborne food allergy, you cannot fly?
Tell me your stories.
posted by Zaphod at Monday, November 21, 2005
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