TSA -- security or power-crazed morons?
I have had my share of interesting "interludes" with the TSA and similar agencies around the world. In Paris, I had a particularly zealous chimpanzee with a badge confiscate my carabiner (a nice screw lock D-Petzl) that I always hang from the back of my rucksack for carrying other bags. This particular device is made from aluminum, was about 4 inches long, 1/2 inch thick and about 3 inches wide.
But Mr. Gallic-Surrender-Monkey determined that this was dangerous and took it. About $15 worth of power-display. I asked why -- in French, using the polite "vous" form. He brandished it as a pair of knuckle-dusters. I guess I should have seen that coming, but I'd be more afraid of a pair of stiletto heels, well employed in a tight spot ... if you know what I mean. In the far-from-polite rebuke I gave him for this piece of fantasy, I suggested that he might need a dose of reality. Even more ironically, Air France once again provides all classes on its planes with metal cutlery. Yes, knives too.
That Petzl is probably hanging on the gear-loop of his (or his buddy's) climbing harness.
But this is "small beer" compared to what a Dallas resident encountered in trying to catch a plane back home from Lubbock last week. You see, she has/had a pair of nipple rings inserted. I don't know the details (was it a bar, a true ring, capture bead, etc.) but apparently, after successfully passing through the walk-through gate, a Lubbock, Texas, security chimpanzee decided to wave the metal detection wand over her. And it went off over her breasts.
A female TSA agent was summoned, and the passenger explained that she had nipple rings. She offered to show them to the female agent. But after conferring with a male colleague, the passenger was told that she would have to go one step further ... she was required to remove them.
Now, I can't really see what the purpose of that might be ... death threats by pointed nipple-dusters? Was the hardwear part of a gun? Could they be assembled to form a deadly weapon of any sort? Did they emit radio waves that would disturb the plane's navigation system? They might certainly distract the male pilot who would then know that a female in his plane was proudly sporting a pair of lethal nipples. "Fly me to Havana, I've got a pair of nipple rings!"
Worse still, the passenger had apparently had them in a while ... she couldn't get them out. With some pain, she managed to remove one ... but the other was stuck. So the TSA-simians handed her ... pair of pliers. Household variety. You want to fly, get busy with these-here pliers. She flew. And she filed a law-suit.
Was it because it was Lubbock, Texas? There IS a country and western song entitled, "Happiness is Lubbock, Texas in the Rear View Mirror." Honestly. It seems as if someone might have had similar experiences there. Were the TSA-chimps sadists? Morons? Merely being funny on a slow day? Religious zealots disturbed by the flying harlot? It could have been worse, there are plenty more interesting and private places to insert jewelry for the subject's consideration, for those so motivated. Talk about "ouch."
I have seen a parade of pilots, aircrew and others flash badges as they sail through the TSA checkpoints at Logan Airport. Not even a cursory once-over. Are you going to tell me that each one of those people are completely sane and above any suspicion? No pilot or aircrew has ever harbored thoughts of "plinking" a passenger, or smuggling some weed? Pilots can carry guns, now -- we know of a least one pilot who doesn't know what a "safety" is, or better than to carry with a round up the spout: last week a gun went off, with the round penetrating two different planes. Proof positive of the dangers of morons with guns.
But still, we are subject to some bizarre standards and procedures. I cannot really tell whether they are the result of Uncle Sam's bureaucracy at its finest, or the general level of idiocy of the recruits for the jobs? World-wide. Is there some silent job spec that requires: "must be possessed of extraordinarily bad judgment." "Helps if you are idiot." "No intelligence required, but a strong sense of sadism a plus."
Moments like these make me wish I could get these Gomers on the stand under oath for a little cross-examination ... when it counts. Deadly nipples indeed.
But Mr. Gallic-Surrender-Monkey determined that this was dangerous and took it. About $15 worth of power-display. I asked why -- in French, using the polite "vous" form. He brandished it as a pair of knuckle-dusters. I guess I should have seen that coming, but I'd be more afraid of a pair of stiletto heels, well employed in a tight spot ... if you know what I mean. In the far-from-polite rebuke I gave him for this piece of fantasy, I suggested that he might need a dose of reality. Even more ironically, Air France once again provides all classes on its planes with metal cutlery. Yes, knives too.That Petzl is probably hanging on the gear-loop of his (or his buddy's) climbing harness.
But this is "small beer" compared to what a Dallas resident encountered in trying to catch a plane back home from Lubbock last week. You see, she has/had a pair of nipple rings inserted. I don't know the details (was it a bar, a true ring, capture bead, etc.) but apparently, after successfully passing through the walk-through gate, a Lubbock, Texas, security chimpanzee decided to wave the metal detection wand over her. And it went off over her breasts.
A female TSA agent was summoned, and the passenger explained that she had nipple rings. She offered to show them to the female agent. But after conferring with a male colleague, the passenger was told that she would have to go one step further ... she was required to remove them.
Now, I can't really see what the purpose of that might be ... death threats by pointed nipple-dusters? Was the hardwear part of a gun? Could they be assembled to form a deadly weapon of any sort? Did they emit radio waves that would disturb the plane's navigation system? They might certainly distract the male pilot who would then know that a female in his plane was proudly sporting a pair of lethal nipples. "Fly me to Havana, I've got a pair of nipple rings!"
Worse still, the passenger had apparently had them in a while ... she couldn't get them out. With some pain, she managed to remove one ... but the other was stuck. So the TSA-simians handed her ... pair of pliers. Household variety. You want to fly, get busy with these-here pliers. She flew. And she filed a law-suit.
Was it because it was Lubbock, Texas? There IS a country and western song entitled, "Happiness is Lubbock, Texas in the Rear View Mirror." Honestly. It seems as if someone might have had similar experiences there. Were the TSA-chimps sadists? Morons? Merely being funny on a slow day? Religious zealots disturbed by the flying harlot? It could have been worse, there are plenty more interesting and private places to insert jewelry for the subject's consideration, for those so motivated. Talk about "ouch."
I have seen a parade of pilots, aircrew and others flash badges as they sail through the TSA checkpoints at Logan Airport. Not even a cursory once-over. Are you going to tell me that each one of those people are completely sane and above any suspicion? No pilot or aircrew has ever harbored thoughts of "plinking" a passenger, or smuggling some weed? Pilots can carry guns, now -- we know of a least one pilot who doesn't know what a "safety" is, or better than to carry with a round up the spout: last week a gun went off, with the round penetrating two different planes. Proof positive of the dangers of morons with guns.
But still, we are subject to some bizarre standards and procedures. I cannot really tell whether they are the result of Uncle Sam's bureaucracy at its finest, or the general level of idiocy of the recruits for the jobs? World-wide. Is there some silent job spec that requires: "must be possessed of extraordinarily bad judgment." "Helps if you are idiot." "No intelligence required, but a strong sense of sadism a plus."
Moments like these make me wish I could get these Gomers on the stand under oath for a little cross-examination ... when it counts. Deadly nipples indeed.
posted by Zaphod at Friday, April 04, 2008
1 Comments:
I submit that TSA jerks are hired to specifically provoke anyone unwilling to be thouroughly controlled. Any determined, trained sabatouer could bypas these mo's, so their only function can be the infringement of freedoms and privacy in exchange for the "right" to fly.
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